A wreck of a human body sheltering an exhausted and terrified soul.

Yesterday was a great day, but I feel dreadful this morning.

And worst of all ... I am not sure what is the cause of this weight that pushes me down against the mattress. If I had the benefit of your presence with me today you would witness no doubt a change in me. Because the effects of this invisible presence, of this so far undefinable force that chases me without a rest, as a hound to its pray, are immediately obvious. Hazy eyes digging deeper than normal in their cavities and fleeing the morning light, a dark shade around them in contrast to the fair skin in my apparently-bloodless face today, shaky hands that fail to grasp confidently a steamy cup of coffee on the bedside table ...

But who is to blame for it? Is the culprit of my pitiful state too much alcohol on a Friday night? Or perhaps a long and dark night of guilty pleasures? Or could it be the fear to face another empty piece of paper, another white screen in my laptop, waiting for the muses to arrive?

- 'Guilty!' - I stand up and tell the jury - 'Nobody but me is the cause of how I feel, because nobody else can claim control on my will, and it is only through that freedom that we decide on our actions'. But finding the wrongdoer does not dissipate the feeling, and clearly it does not cure the hangover.

Memories start rushing in, as coffee replaces alcohol in my veins. Memories of dinner at a Japanese restaurant and one Kirin beer. Or definitely more than one. Probably more than two, but I can't remember precisely. And I remember a beautiful Russian woman, Olik. Her green eyes and inviting smile seem to break through the confused images of my still unfocused mind, like a floating presence, like a 3-mast man-of-war battered by the storm that you just make out in the distance, sailing away.

And I think I remember one more of the many mistakes of the night. A sensitive Polish woman being paid back with rudeness for her kindness.

Why? Having the power of choice, the treasure of freewill .... why are we lured so easily by the promises of a fun alcoholic night? When will we learn from our mistakes and drink in moderation?

I am today a wreck of a human body, sheltering an exhausted and terrified soul. And I can't write anymore.